What’s My Focus?

goldfinch 6 6 20

Sitting at my desk creating policy
knowing that the day moves on without me.
Pressure building-
timelines looming-
fingers fumble hitting the ‘delete’ key.

My neck hurts, there’s something in my eye.
Words won’t come no matter what I try.
I won’t risk a look
won’t check Facebook,
I wanted to rest today- feel like I’m gonna cry.

The sun is out, there’s laundry still to fold.
I’ve made coffee then let it get stone-cold.
I think just some more water
or maybe call my daughter?
Stop it and sit down! -shrieks my inner scold.

Why is it so hard to capture every thought
and record them in the way I know I ought?
There’s too much, can’t keep the pace.
Overwhelmed, the ideas race
too quickly; they are refusing to be caught.

C’mon- you can do it, just write this stuff down.
(Should I dye my hair red, or keep it brown?)
Stop the daydreaming stall-
this day won’t just crawl;
minutes rush so loudly they make Silence drown.

I know that there’s a lot now on my plate.
Multi-tasking is a most enduring trait
Take a breath, now; feel calm settle
then push pedal to the metal
grab that outline, open program, and- hey; wait.

What was that flash? There! Against that patch of sky!
That brilliant color quickly moving caught my eye.
Before I even wrote a word
I was distracted by this bird.
This is hopeless, why do I even try?

Resolute now, I decide to make this post.
Get out the fidgets before this day is toast.
Buckle down and get to work,
ignore distractions, let them lurk!
And one by one work through the tasks that matter most.

 

-Judey Kalchik
June 2020

 

 

 

What Was I Thinking?

I am concerned about last night’s me.

Yanked awake this morning by
– what?-
a noise?
lights?
beeps of something electronic?
who knows.

I make my way out of the bedroom
and come face to face
with what last night’s me set out for this morning’s me to wear today.

Now, if drinking was involved I could understand what I found.
But, for me, drinking is a special occasion and done very very sparingly.
(Like ‘let me have a sip of your cold beer’ sparingly)
And there was no one around for last night’s me to mooch off of.
So, that isn’t the excuse.

I mean, I know I was tired.
I worked over 12 hours.
Then an hour drive home.
Plus stopped to get gas on the way.
(hey! $2.21 a gallon in MI! I had to fill up!)

Maybe I was assembling today’s clothing in my sleep.
Is that what happened, last night’s me?
Were you sleeping?

You set out, for work:

  • One cowboy boot
  • One sneaker.
  • Footless tights.
  • Two different socks.
  • Pair of jeans.
  • Tunic.
  • Summer dress.
  • Wool scarf.
  • White button down shirt- one size too small (OK OK- two sizes too small. Whatever.)
  • Baseball cap.
  • Black slacks.

I would be worried about a poltergeist, intruder, or being gas-lighted.
But, the black slacks proves it was last night’s me.

I made a promise,
as I found the other boot,
considered what would go with the tights,
and debated if I needed the scarf (because: Michigan),
to treat tonight’s me with kindness.
Maybe a bubble bath.
Maybe get more than 5 hours of sleep.
Maybe watch This is Us in bed tonight.

Tomorrow I’ll wear the black slacks.
Today I took the suggestion; it’s a cowboy boot day.

(This post is part of the #31DaysOfWritingChallenge2019)