Thoughts on toilet paper, that is.
Things came to a head (couldn’t help myself) this week.
In the ladies room and in need of toilet paper I wondered if anyone else thinks the same way I do.
- The stall has two silver toilet paper holders.
In each, one roll is visible for use.
The second roll hides at the top, ready to drop into place when needed.
Both bottom rolls were empty.
Both top rolls were bashful.
Angling my fingers I attempted to jimmy one loose.
Nothing.
I scrabbled the roll around and around like a feverish hamster.
How the thin white stuff can seal into an invisible line I have no idea.
No break, no weakening. No end to that roll.
I started on the second.
Nudging it
(OK- maybe smacking the side of the case helpfully.)
Nothing.
I snagged and tugged and succeeded in lodging it catawampus-askew and stuck.
Back to the first roll and prying slivers from the edge with my thumbnail.
(I briefly contemplated the Emergency Cardboard Tube Blotting Maneuver but decided that was best left to the music festivals this summer.)
I couldn’t just adjust the rolls because the silver cases were locked.
Back at my desk, I considered the incongruity of locking toilet paper dispensers.
Rolls cost about ~what?~ fifty cents?
So four stalls with (tops) 4 rolls per stall= $8.00 of supplies safe from thieving toilet paper skimmers.
Our break stations each have about ~what?~ 8 to 12 pounds of coffee in boxes and drawers, parceled into foil packets.
Unsecured.
Coffee costs about $6.00 a pound wholesale?
So, conservatively, I have free access to about $60 in coffee at any one time.
But $8.00 of toilet paper? Nope. - The photo above is from China.
Expensive facial recognition dispensers have been installed in public toilets.
It scans your face and drops down a length of toilet paper, which you take into the stall.
Electricity goes out?
You are out of luck.
I hope it doesn’t catch on. - Our local movie theater subscribes to the giant-hamster-wheel of paper management.
One big roll is suspended in a huge tape-dispenser-ish thing that is bolted to the stall wall.
Paper drops out of the bottom corner closest to the door (and farthest from the throne.)
These giant rolls seem to have good staying power and probably last quite a while.
To make sure people don’t use too much, though, there is an evil twist.
The dispensing end of the holder is at my shin height.
To actually get any paper a person would need to ‘paper up’ before entering the stall, crouching down and pulling out a length.
Because once in the stall with the door shut it’s difficult to get any paper at all.
My fingertips barely tickle the end of tab of paper.
Maybe an old-time backscratcher would help.
With the top sealed and the only opening more than arms length and hidden from sight it’s infuriating.
My guess is that they were installed as per a blueprint,
with the top of the dispenser at the height the bottom should have been.
Oh, yes, and there are free refills on soda…. of course.
I’m sure it’s just me.
But it’s the little things that grate on my nerves.
Pocket Change 